is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
