walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
