but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize