She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And then my night got REAL pukey
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
