I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
