My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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