I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
