Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
