Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
