My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
