I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
