Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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