I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
