I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
