I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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