He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
