I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
