just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
