Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
