Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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