if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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