what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
