I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
