that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
