omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
