I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
