ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
