Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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