sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
