I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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