Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am available for nakedness
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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