well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
