soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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