Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
