OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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