i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need water and some morals
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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