Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
worst night to have a conscience
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
