Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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