singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
