She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
