I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
