we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
