we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
