Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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