I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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