but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
