She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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