what day is it and did you see me today?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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