His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
