i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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