I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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