I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
